Depression Treatment Care

The first few months were hard, then it got harder when my partner sank into a bottle grieving a friend with cancer (who died last month). I feel that my emotions are not allowed and that there is no point in talking about how I feel or things I want anymore.
I’ve been depressed on and off for years, but this is more painful than anything I’ve experienced before. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been self harming because I have no outlet for negative emotions and feel that I have to keep myself so carefully in check that I just daren’t feel anything at all or risk having a big row.

I almost never raise my voice to my partner or criticize him because if I do he will shout louder and more aggresively than I can handle. I feel miserable and frustrated and like I don’t count. Things I want don’t happen unless I push and push and push. Even things like trying to keep to a budget to improve out disaterous financial situation I have to push and push and he just won’t even admit that there’s a problem.

At the same time he tells me he loves me and that I am very important to him. But somehow not important enough that my feelings, desires, needs count for anything.